Life in Question

So I was thinking the other day that life has always been filled with non-stop questions. Here are a few that have either stuck with me or I have asked over the past few years, months, weeks, days, and hours.

Years: What do I want to do for a profession?
Why don't I have any friends?
(and my not so favorite, favorite)
When will I find my one true love?
Months: Why do I believe in the Book of Mormon?
Why does everyone look at me funny?
What do I need to do to find an Eternal Companion?
Why is being a girl have to include drama?
Why do I say I'm fine when I'm not?
Why do I let them get the best of me?
Weeks: How many more days until my cruise?
When will Cody be home?
Do you think I bought to much clothes for my trip?(answer was yes)
Why do guys think that just cause a girl says hi to them that the girl now likes them?
Why are boys so dumb?
Is being done with guys a good thing or a bad thing?
Why in the world do I let them get the best of me?
Days: Really?
Can I please feel comfortable with myslef?
Why can't I get enough of you?
Why do I not stand up for myself and others?
Who cares if you cry yourslef to sleep?
Why do you let them get to you?
Why does no one understand you?
Hours: Mabe I should learn a new language?
Will it hurt more to break ties or to try and mend them?
Why do you allow people to manipulate you?
Why do you allow people to tell you how you feel?
How come you never stick up for yourself?
How does it feel to let people walk all over you?
Why do you not think your beautiful?
(AND MY PERSONAL FAVORITE's)
What if your not good enough for him?
What if they hate you?
What if she thinks your no longer worth being a friend to?
What if it doesn't hurt when this is all over?
What if he never realizes how amazing you really are?
What if your to late to come to a compromise?
What if you weren't meant to be closer than you are?
What if you were wrong?
What if you were right?
What if no one ever understands what your trying to say and who you are?
What if none of this was worth it?

6 months worth

September- Was the last time I actually blogged about something. And it was the beginning of me being depressed. How horrible it is for me to type that, but its the truth. I know I hurt a lot of peoples feelings when I stopped talking to them and stopped being a friend. I can now say that I'm sorry. I don't remember much of...
October- I think the most fun I had was making a tutu for my Halloween costume. It turned out super cute. I was a witch. Also I had a lot of fun shopping with my friends and helping them find their costume.
November- Was when I hit the lowest of low. I listened to a friend of mine that wasn't LDS. She told me some things that got me to think and I was already having some doubts about certain things and I just fell. That's the best way that I can put it. I fell hard and it took a long time for me to get back up again. I had to dig deep and to actually seek help. I hated every minute of it. I don't like depending on other people. I'm capable of it, but I don't think I should take advantage that way. Heavenly Father was of course the best and most dependable of all. I'm a convert and when someone says something that makes sense in a weird way it can make you turn on everything that you believe in. Thank goodness I have the best friends in the whole world!!! Their support and their friendship helped me stand tall.
December-Made me realize that I'm not a big fan of crowds and this past December was filled with family. Now I know its family, but I love my quiet life. I felt so crowded. I had Grandparents and Brothers and Sisters and Cousins everywhere. I'm very glad that its over and that Christmas only comes but once a year!
January 2011- I turned 25! And yeah I feel older. Its not a bad older just older. My friends helped me to celebrate. I started a diet and can you believe it??? I've stuck with it and plan to keep to it for many many many months/years. I never knew getting in shape and becoming healthy could be so rewarding.
February- Yeah Valentine's day came and went. Pretty boring actually, except that Me and 4 other SINGLE girl friends are gonna go on a CRUISE!!!! It will be from May 30Th-June 3rd. The plan is to leave 2 days before and spend some time at the beach in Cali. Yeah that's right the BEACH. The very place I've never been. I'm really excited and very happy.
March- Work seems to fill my time these days but I'm grateful and happy to do it. I'm saving most of my money for the very much exciting CRUISE.

All in all its pretty safe to say that life hasn't been boring. I've been pretty busy and there is no telling when I will be on again. Just know that I'm grateful to have so many dear friends in my life and that my family is important to me even though they can crowd me sometimes. Also that I know with out a doubt that Heavenly Father loves me and that the Book of Mormon is true. Pretty simple words, but there true and mean a lot to me. Its been a long time since I was truly happy with my life and even though I have my ups and downs, I'm grateful for the experiences that I've had and for the people that have stuck by me. I chatted with a friend the other day for the first time in a very long time and she made me sad. Just chatting with her brought so many repressed feelings that I regretted getting in touch with her. I've changed a lot in the past few years and it was very apparent to me after that chat with her. Our lives went in 2 different directions and I know she is happy where she is and I hope she knows that I'm happy where I am (for now). I will always consider her a friend even if were not close anymore. I hope someone reads this and thinks that what I say is somewhat interesting. If you noticed there wasn't anything mentioned of a boy??/ That's cause there isn't one to mention. I hope that one day there will be and whenever there is I will surely blog about him.

So...

• The truth is, I'm giving DOUBLE truth's today because Krissa wants them :)


• The truth is, I love being a hermit! I can go days even weeks without talking or hanging out with my friends. Its more like a love hate thing. I'm trying to not be a hermit cause I need to get out and do things other than work and church.


• The truth is, I love reading. Hence me being a hermit. I can get lost in a book or a series of books for days and weeks. In fact I've taken time away from reading to type this.


• The truth is, I'm really shy. There are somethings that I can do and then there are some things that I can't. Like ask boys out on dates, yet, I can tell them that I like them or am interested in them. My shyness comes out when I'm around 1-3 people. If I'm with a huge group for some reason it goes away. Weird!


• The truth is,I'm really happy that my parents have finally listened to me and they got rid of the wood floors in the kitchen, dinning room, and hallway :) I hated the color of wood and it just never seemed to fit for me. Now there is TILE.


• The truth is, I really want to go back to school. I find it interesting how when your not in school you want to go, but when in school your counting down the days until the weekend.


• The truth is, I'm deathly afraid of snakes. Like seriously afraid. For some reason they scare me like crazy. I've had a few encounters with them and they have never appealed to me.


• The truth is, I love my car. I need to post a few pics on here for you all to see. Her name is Gigdette to me she looks like a little Gigdette :)


• The truth is, I don't like playing sports with a bunch of guys. They are ball hogs or frisbee hogs. They never pass it to girls.


• The truth is, I don't like getting on facebook that much anymore. I never do anything except post a new status and look at what everybody else is posting. Very boring.


• The truth is, I love to be outside in a rainstorm. I love the smell of wet dirt and I wish someone was able to put that smell in a candle or an air freshener. I love it.


• The truth is, Sometimes I don't blog because I don't think anyone reads what I post.

I hope you enjoy!!!