So...

• The truth is, I'm giving DOUBLE truth's today because Krissa wants them :)


• The truth is, I love being a hermit! I can go days even weeks without talking or hanging out with my friends. Its more like a love hate thing. I'm trying to not be a hermit cause I need to get out and do things other than work and church.


• The truth is, I love reading. Hence me being a hermit. I can get lost in a book or a series of books for days and weeks. In fact I've taken time away from reading to type this.


• The truth is, I'm really shy. There are somethings that I can do and then there are some things that I can't. Like ask boys out on dates, yet, I can tell them that I like them or am interested in them. My shyness comes out when I'm around 1-3 people. If I'm with a huge group for some reason it goes away. Weird!


• The truth is,I'm really happy that my parents have finally listened to me and they got rid of the wood floors in the kitchen, dinning room, and hallway :) I hated the color of wood and it just never seemed to fit for me. Now there is TILE.


• The truth is, I really want to go back to school. I find it interesting how when your not in school you want to go, but when in school your counting down the days until the weekend.


• The truth is, I'm deathly afraid of snakes. Like seriously afraid. For some reason they scare me like crazy. I've had a few encounters with them and they have never appealed to me.


• The truth is, I love my car. I need to post a few pics on here for you all to see. Her name is Gigdette to me she looks like a little Gigdette :)


• The truth is, I don't like playing sports with a bunch of guys. They are ball hogs or frisbee hogs. They never pass it to girls.


• The truth is, I don't like getting on facebook that much anymore. I never do anything except post a new status and look at what everybody else is posting. Very boring.


• The truth is, I love to be outside in a rainstorm. I love the smell of wet dirt and I wish someone was able to put that smell in a candle or an air freshener. I love it.


• The truth is, Sometimes I don't blog because I don't think anyone reads what I post.

I hope you enjoy!!!

The Truth is....

So I don't want so much to post a bunch of things that I want to tell you all today, but I do want to post mainly the only truth that has been weighing on me for the past few weeks.

The truth is... I have a friend and she doesn't really include me in her life anymore. She used to. But for a while now she hasn't and its really sad because we once were really close. I know that people drift apart and that is just normal progression, but it doesn't change the way it all makes me feel. This summer has brought a lot of change to me and I know that its all for the good. I've been given so many blessings in such a short time that I might've been to busy to notice if I had offended or caused her pain too. I guess the hardest thing with friendships are the fact that no matter how strong you think your bond is, it doesn't compare to the will of the Lord. I would hate to believe that Heavenly Father would want me to not be friends with her, but if its what I need or what she needs then, I would deal with it. Its so hard to say goodbye to a close friend, a friend whome I love very much. I do hope though that we are able to remain friends.

That is my truth post for today. Some may like it and some may not, but its my blog and I can write all that I want and about all that I want!!

So its another....

I love oatmeal raisin scented candles and yup, I'm burning one right now!!!! It like eating one without actually eating it and not over induldge myself. I know I'm a genius :)

The irritating little puppy ate the back of my favorite flatts off! And now I have to go shoe shopping, and that brings me to my next truth.

I hate shoe shopping!! So ever since I broke my heel 2 years ago, my left foot is about 1 size bigger than my right! And that makes shoe shopping very sad and dumb and irritating. Hate it!!!

But I do love kissing in the rain.(Haven't done it for a number of years)But the last time I had been kissed it was in the rain and it became something that I really look forward to doing again. Hopefully soon I can, not getting my hopes up, but it would be a lot of fun :)

So today I got off work at 6am and I told myself that I was only to sleep for 5 hours since I don't have to work tonight, well I slept for 9 Its so irritating!!!! I really do want to sleep at night when I'm off of work.

I come home from work and each morning I have to clean up shredded paper all over the house because my little puppy loves to shred paper.

I'm not very fond of Mexican food. I will eat it if its in front of me, but I wont go looking for it. My entire life, I had to eat what the family was eating and not really have a say in it, but now I'm confident enough to be able to say "no thanks" when Mexican food is on the menu.

In 2 days it will be a whole year since my foot surgery. Time really has flown by fast this past year. So many changes and so many memories. I will post more and even put a picture or two up for y'all.

A many things that ticked me off this past month are....

So over the past month there has been so many things that have ticked me off. And not just a little, but a lot. So I decided to blog about it all.

1. 3 friends got engaged. It made me mad cause I really want to be married and to start that part of my life. I know, I know, Its in Heavenly Father's time. I know!!
2. My brother Jason decided that he was going to move out and take the kids with him. He started a bunch of drama and to be honest, He could have done it in a manner that didn't show that he wasn't ready or mature enough for the change. I've raised those 3kids for the past 4 years and in a lot of ways they are like my own. If your a mom you know the feelings that come over you when your children are threatened. And that's how I felt, like he was putting them in danger.
3. His girlfriend who he wants to move the kids in with is stupid. And I'm not being mean when I say that. She really is stupid and I've tried for over a year to teach her basic things about kids and what not. She is 30 and has 3 kids of her own and doesn't know how to shop for groceries or to clean her apt. Her kids treat her like crap and they will turn out just like her.
4. My mother of course has been pushing my buttons. Now that I have a job and I'm working she feels that its her given right to make me give her almost my entire pay check. Yeah. Its not like I make a whole lot and she thinks for some reason that I have no other use for it than to pay bills. I have a budget and in my budget I would like to save a lot of money each month and if she keeps taking it I wont have any to save. Its like a trick to get me to stay in her control cause she has every other sibling of mine in her control no matter where they are. Sucks I know.
5. Someone broke my prescription glasses. I now only had one pair cause the dog somehow ate my favorite about 2 years ago. Now I have to contact my insurance company and get a new set. I hate going to the eye doctor.
6. I hate liking boys or even being interested in them. None of them like me and that sucks. I'm not ugly. I'm not skinny, not gorgeous, but I'm fun, pretty, outgoing, honest and spiritual. What more could a guy want?

Even though there are a lot of things that ticked me off there have been some really good ones too. Such as

1. I got a new job and started working. Its interesting and fun and its what I've always done and loved. So YAY to me.
2. With my brother Jason's plans to move the kids in with him and his girlfriend, that means that I will have time to do things that I haven't had time to do in over 4 years because all my plans have been centered around the kids. So I'm excited for change.
3. I'm learning and doing really good at it to gain some self control on everything in my life. I hope that I can continue to have it.
4. Even though I was ticked over 3 of my friends getting engaged and not me, I'm also very excited for them. And I'm maid of honor to one of them, And that's AWESOME!!

I have goals and I'm reaching them. Everything that's happened over the past month is what Heavenly Father wants for me. Everything feels so right and I love that. So life is moving on and I seem to be moving on with it.

Truth is....

I once had over 100 porcelain dolls, some were even clowns. And now thy kind of creep me out. Every time I see one I think there constantly staring at me and are going to kill me.

I really am sick of living with my parents, Its so sad. I'm really ready to get out on my own or with a bunch of girls or with the man of my dreams....

I push people away like crazy. Its not that I don't like them or not want to be around them, Its the fact that they are to close to me as in they know a lot about me and I'm comfortable with them around that they just seem like they are supposed to be there. I feel stupid and very sad at what I did once its done. Good thing I'm working on it!

I hate Mexican food! I really do. I only eat it cause thats whats for dinner or where were going to eat.

Thats the truth!!

What's new with me ,you ask? Well....

So I've decided to go back to school :) It may take a while cause of the registration fee, but I really hope to be enrolled in the fall semester. My end goal is to be a RN. So I'm gonna be taking a few classes that pertain to nursing. My first step is to be a Phlebotomy's!!! Wish me luck-

I have started to work out again and to diet. My eating habits have changed a lot and I'm glad :) I've already lost 5 lbs and hope to keep losing. Its the only thing in my life that I ever want to lose :)

I'm looking for a more reliable job. The one I have now only gives me a few hours a month and I need more than that. I have been on call for a few weekends but because the economy is so bad no one can afford to lose a day of work, so I just get an on-call check, which isn't very much, but It helps to pay my phone bill.

I've been talking to my Brother 's (Jason) girlfriend about joining the church and she seems interested :) I'm excited lol I'll let ya know how it goes!!

So that's what I've been up to lately!!!

Foggy...Just a bit!

Life can be a bit foggy sometimes and what I mean by that is, we can forget about what is going on right in front of us and it can be a bit annoying to everyone cause it makes everyone think your not paying attention or that your upset or that you just don't care. Well I have experienced the foggy feeling and instead of it lasting just that one day it lasted for 4 :( I felt so terrible. Its been so hard concentrating on just one thing lately that I get all flustered and annoyed with myself. For instance, BOYS, they are and then they aren't worth it. Then their are friends who I care a lot about and worry about and feel bad for, even when I'm told that there is no reason to worry or feel bad. I can't help it. I think I was made to care and to worry. Then there are friends who bring up the past and all the lovely things I miss and also all the things I don't miss every time I talk to them. I'm trying to live in the present and as lovely as the past was and as sad as it was I don't need to linger on them, not when I'm having a hard enough time staying in the present. Then there is the fact that I promised myself that I would work out more and stay on a diet. Well it didn't happen :( and it makes me so mad at myself. I know that it takes time and that everyday will be a challenge,it just makes me sad. Then there is my foot and all the crap that keeps happening with it. I really hope that it gets better, cause I would love to go at least a full year with no pain. That's all I've been in for 2 years is pain and it would be nice to not have some. Whats sad is that all this is going on in my head all at once, everyday :( I hope typing it all out can relieve some of the fogginess. Well that's life right now!

The blow off!!!

I don't really know why this is, but for some strange reason when a girl gets her first boyfriend she then turns her entire life around for him :( I know this to be true because,well, I've done it and the sad thing is when I did it, I didn't have any real friends around to forget about or to blow off. But it has happened to me. I was blown off by a close friend all because she got her first boyfriend. Don't you think that's sad? Why do we do this to our friends. We had plans to hang out and to talk about the new boyfriend for over a week. I told her that she shouldn't blow off her girlfriends just cause she has a boyfriend. I'm not really mad anymore because we have planned to hang out next week now, but I just really hope that everyone who ever accidentally blew off a girlfriend for a boy or has been blown off, it hurts so just remember to think and plan better cause a simple "oh I forgot" can really hurt a friendship. I still love my friend, and hope it never happens again, and I can't really help it lol I just love pretty much everyone lol :)

Profound?

I just watched a movie on the tube and it was about 18 teenage girls getting pregnant in a small town in Massachussetts. Its based on a true story. 3 of the pregnant girls made a pact to get pregnant after a close friend of theirs got pregnant. That movie really made me think about my life in high school. I can honestly say that I knew about maybe 3 pregnancies during my entire high school experience. I shake my head right now cause I wonder (why?) I'm not a perfect person and I've done some really dumb things in my lifetime, but I've never thought about or planned or even wanted to trick a guy into getting me pregnant. I really hope that young girls and boys will think about what will happen after they choose to have sex at such a youg age. I will never say that having a baby is a mistake no matter the cituation, but when your careless with your own life how do you expect to care for an innocent childs life? Back in high school I don't ever remember thinking about having a child. I just wanted to graduate so that I could get out of there as fast as I could. I don't know why I'm posting this. I'm not in high school anymore and I don't know anyone who is still in high school, but hopefully the world will remember that epidemics such as 18 teenage girls getting pregnant before the are even graduated from high school are preventable. A child should be conceived when two responsible adults are married and can take care of the child. It saddens me when I see a child on the news and their mother locks them in a closet while she goes off to work because she can't afford day care. That really happened and in our great state of AZ. I feel so sorry for those kids. It makes me cry and want to help them even when I can't afford to do so myself. I pray for everyone that they learn and do what is right and chooses to use their brain when making those right choices..

7 Things!!

So My dear good friend Krissa told me that I should blog about 7 things that no one knows about me. Well, I will try my hardest to not embarrass myself, here it goes....

1. When I'm having a hard time whether it be family, friends, work, or just life in general, I love to eat a toasted peanut butter & jelly sandwhich. When I bite into one when there are hard times it seems like the peanut butter and jelly go to battle for me and make everything A-Okay.
2. I've had a book sitting next to my bed half read for 3 months :( I know how lame is it I feel horrible. Its a great read, I need to find the time or just remind myself that its there and its not finished yet!
3. I'm probably way more obsessed with planning for my very future wedding than I am actually making it possible for me to have one Lol I love looking at wedding gowns and flowers and all the types of colors there are and the decorations. I just like the idea of one day it will happen :)
4. I really don't like people much. Now I don't say that to be mean, but when I first meet someone I do my hardest to smile and be polite and I don't do that cause its the right thing to do, but because I don't want to be mean. It takes me awhile to warm up to people, and eventually we become good friends. If we don't then life goes on the way it always has gone on :)
5. I really want to get rid of my tattoo's. I think they are ugly even though they aren't offensive or anything, but I would rather not have them. My family and a lot of other people love tattoo's and when I'm around them its so hard for me to speak out about not wanting them anymore cause I don't want to start anything.
6. I love watching movies!! I absolutely am obsessed with movies! I espescially love WAR movies or anything that deals with culture of another country other than my own. Its fascinating.
7. Even though I don't like people much I am also the oppisite everyone that I'm friends with I love :) Its like a natural thing with me. So remember this, even though we don't talk much or we don't hang out or see each other I CARE ABOUT YOU :)

Okay thats it lol :)

Good Bye 2009, and Hello 2010

To my suprise I actually kept my new years resolution for 2009 :) It was to have fun no matter what happend and to be happy in times of saddness. I think I did a pretty good job with it. Somethings that happened this past year was.....

1. I became a friend others could rely on.
2. I became a bit more selfless(not bragging).
3. Fell in love the first time (then it turned into a different kind of love).
4. Learned to be more positive with things.
5. Had like 7 eye candies.
6. and.... Became grateful for for every little thing in my life.

Those are just a few things, but I look forward to 2010, because I believe that this next year will be great if I make it great and I intend to do just that!